Plants’ time travel abilities

Humans are surprisingly effective at travel. We have walked on the top of Everest, on the bottom of the ocean, on each other, even on the moon. We traverse regularly the circumference of the planet, but our ability to travel in time has not been equally matched. Despite our years of evolution, we have only increase the distance we can travel in time from 33 to 68 years (Wikipedia has spoken). This is a terrible improvement in relation to distance! This progress would be similar to, if through all of human evolution, we only increased the distance we could travel from twenty miles to forty. We can travel 24,000 miles around the Earth with relative ease. With similar ratios applied to time, we should be able to live for thousands of years. Much like plants.

Plants are excellent time travelers. Because you cannot bother a plant with moving, it simply sits there, living off the land, and goes really really far through time. Many plants live effectively forever because they reproduce by splitting: therefore, you can trace the plant back all the way until it was a different plant. Much longer than sixty-eight years. But what is that you say? Some people live longer than sixty eight-years? Right! I should have used Jeanne Calment, the oldest person on record, 122. In that case, plants till beat us out, because the bristlecone pine can live to be 5063 years old, which, by the way, makes it the most experienced time traveler to date. QED

My cacti are smirking with pride.

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