Fates decided

The planets had a council this past morning. A critical evaluation was taken of every sick and injured plant to evaluate their condition. After the recent freezes, cloudy weather, and rampant watering, many of the cacti and succulents are in critical condition, but are holistically on the path to recovery. Only one, the Argyroderma was pronounced too harmed to continue life, and was put out of her misery. The other plants, the two tall twiggy things in particular, are looking much better. The less developed twiggy purple thing sprouted quite a bit in the manners of leaves, as well as above ground roots. The bromeliad has been focusing much of his healing powers on these two plants, as they are the worst off of the orange pot family.

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The healing stalky purple plants


and all that is left of our dear friend the Argyroderma. She will be put out of her misery soon.


Sickness spreads D:

The hostages contracted a disease from the squirrels! They are dying :p and in large numbers!!!!! almost all of the plants are looking worse off, and some of them are downright disgusting looking. The bromeliad’s healing powers are, at the moment, hardly enough to spare himself from the sickness, and even he is looking a bit pale.

Hostage rescue!

The cacti popped out of the tree tunnel and quietly inched their way along its branches. Of the three pots who had made the journey, the ten little cacti were by far the most afraid. And indeed, as the rescue mission approached the… But wait! Backstory!

At red barn, I picked up these two little succulent leaf things. Small and sprout like, they loved nothing more than to bask in the glow of the sun and wait for their roots to sprout. The two sprouts, Jack and Diane, were new to the party at the beginning of the adventure, and were the ones who were taken hostage by the squirrels.


Right… Back to the intense rescue mission for Jack and Diane.

The group of cacti inched forwards along the branches, precariously balanced in their pots on their water trays. The hostages had been left out on the most remote branch of the tree, protected by only a single, relatively fat and complacent squirrel. As he rolled over on his branch, letting the sun warm a different part of this hide, his ears perked up, alerted to a clattering. The bigger two cacti halted, stalk still in their tracks, hardly daring to photosynthesize. The ten teeny tinny cacti, however, continued to rattle on their water pot in absolute terror.

The squirrel lashed around and bit one of the teeny tinny cacti right out of the soil. As the beast consumed the man alive, the two warrior cacti repeatedly speared the squirrel in the face, but not before he could grab and uproot another. Face finally filled with thorns, the beast stubbled backwards and fell out of the tree. The three pots rushed over to Jack and Diane, who were both waiting in shock that the members of the cacti party would risk their lives for them, just two little succulents. As the cacti inspected the plants for wounds, however, the branch began to tilt ominously. The weight of four pots on the end of the branch was just too much! Un able to retreat back the way they had came, as squirrels, alerted by the screams of their fallen comrade, had blocked the way, the pots began to slide off the branch. Farther and farther, slipping and sliding and falling until…

They recall their story

On this cold and dreary Sunday afternoon, the plants begin to tell the story of their adventures. It began as such:

Less than ten minutes after I had retreated inside the safety of the house and left the plants out to face the cold world with little more than encouraging words and a bottle of sriracha spray, the squirrel nation attacked. In an epic stand off lasting until the wee hours of the morning, the beasts lunged and clawed, falling back to regroup when the two larger cacti shot out their thorns which impaled themselves in the faces of a few of the more unlucky squirrels. The onslaught continued with the tide turning slowly but surly in favor of the plants. However, just when a victory of the patio seemed secure and in sight, the beasts stole the two little long thin sprout things right out from the bromeliad’s nose. Casting haiku after haiku in their general direction, he was ultimatly unable to prevent them from getting away, and all he was able to utter were the words

Lost though they may be

Much learned from them, we have now

Sacrifice more same

With hostages in hand, the plants held off the attacks and sent a single negotiator to their midst. The ploy however was under way. The Argyroderma, still bearing the scars from battle, called out the squirrel leader to converse. What the living stone said was not recorded in the history books, because stones are very dense, and their grammar skills not impeccable. However, as the Argyroderma tried to form coherent sentences with the squirrel king, the cacti had started their second phase of the plan…

Saved from the rain

It seems this is the third or forth time recently that I have charged out in the middle of the rain to go rescue my plants from the impending frost / flood / invasion. This most recent rescue results from the plant’s utter inability to think watch the news and see that the weather is going to be taking a turn for the worst. Indeed, they waste all their time listening to NPR and other wastes of time, because what good is it being informed about the world worlds away when you are so utterly ignorant about the world you are in. How do they listen to NPR do you ask? Simple. The bromeliad simply catches it on his long leaves. They collect information about presidential races as well as water.

Some pictures proceeding the rescue.

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The plants adventures will be retold in the following post. Stay tuned my friends.

A trip to red barn

So I was on a visit to a really cool gardening place and happened to wander by a cactus of astonishing value. Though slight in size, he is yet, even at his light age, a fierce warrior. A sure added value to the quest against the squirrels once the outdoor season starts up again, this feisty little fellow is sure to leave any would be squirrel bleeding from more parts of its body than it can count. We are assuming for this scenario that squirrels can count to around four. His barbaric nature might not cohere well with the other, more modest, cacti, and certainly not well with the succulents.


What is that you ask? TWO NEW SPROUT THINGS IN THE POT WITH THE ARGYRODREMA???? why yes, yes it is.

Also obtained from a long excursion, these two little fellers fall under the same category as the other sprouty things, that is, they are sprouts. We will see about their opinions on public affairs, as well as potting mixtures, as they mature.